Lex thought he'd been clear.

"But they're so cute, Lex."

"No, Clark."

"They've got these waggy tails and these big eyes and they're so soft and cuddly."

"No, Clark."

So why wasn't he surprised to see two leashes hanging on the coat rack or the baby gate across the entrance to the kitchen?

He stepped over the barrier and looked into the crate. Two golden retriever puppies. One gold, one blonde. Both asleep.

And a note on the table.

I named the lighter one 'Coco'. You can name the red head.

Lex looked at the puppy. She was not cute.

2.

Lex bitched about everything related to Coco and Clementine. Complained about walking them, bathing them, cleaning up their accidents. Moaned about destroyed Italian slippers, the frayed edges of chewed up pillows, the piss on the rug in the foyer, the stain on the oriental carpet in his office.

Lex denied that they were cute. Scoffed, rolled his eyes when Clark caught him giving them puppy treats. "It was just so they would stop crying. I couldn't concentrate on my work."

He would not have sex with Clark when they are in the room. He said it gave him the creeps.

3.

They were at the park playing fetch when Clementine ran away. Considering that Lex claimed not to like the dogs, it was worthy to note that he was the one with tears in his eyes, racing through the park trying to catch a glimpse of her red coat.

Clark debated the appropriateness of changing into his Superman persona in order to use his speed and flying abilities to locate the missing dog. Lex's abject panic finally pushed him over the brink and he flew over Metropolis Park, sped through every nook and cranny, but couldn't find Clementine.

Lex was bereft.

4.

Lex stayed awake that night watching the security monitors, hoping that Clementine would show up at the door. His eyes were tired and burning from lack of sleep but he didn't care anymore when a shaggy, wet body appeared outside the building's front entrance.

Lex gave her a bath and combed out her long hair. He fell asleep on the couch, curled up with his dog, his hand in her soft fur and his mouth hanging open.

Later, when Clark woke him up, he didn’t even deny that he had crooned a song to the dog as he bathed her.

5.

Clark had not taken the dogs to be spayed. It was all Clark's fault that Lex's little girl was pregnant. Lex didn't speak to him for three days and withheld sex for a week.

Lex prepared special meals for Clemetine often consisting of steak and eggs. He told Clark that she needed the extra protein for the puppies. He said that he had read it online somewhere. He lied.

Clementine slept in bed with Lex and Clark was relegated to the couch as her due date drew near. Lex didn't want her to be alone when the time finally arrived.

6.

Augustus
Nero
Tiberius
Claudius
Juno
Minerva
Cleopatra

He decided he should let Clark name the last puppy.

He watched avidly as Clementine cleaned the pups and began to nurse her young. He admired the puppies as they shoved and pushed and slurped and sucked. He supervised Coco's introduction to the litter very closely.

He made note to keep an eye on the runt, the tiniest puppy--the one that he would allow Clark to name. It was important that it get enough to eat.

He did not roll his eyes when Clark announced that the runt would be named Cookie.

7.

Lex tried not to play favorites, but there was no denying that little Tiberius was special. You could just see his superior intelligence in his eyes. The attachment was cemented for life one afternoon when Lionel was visiting Lex’s office.

"Lex. What are the mongrels doing running around your office?"

"They’re pure bred Golden Retrievers, dad. They have a finer pedigree than you or I. They’re here because some people believe direct supervision is part of being a father."

"You filthy, disgusting creature!" Lionel roared.

Tiberius had just peed all over his father's pant leg.

8.

Lex was being typically impossible. "What exactly was wrong with that family?" Clark asked.

"That child was obviously a sadist, and you know how delicate Cookie is. He’d probably try to ride her and break her legs."

"And the one before that?"

"Cat. Do you want Cleopatra to lose an eye?"

"And before them?"

"Too heavily invested in biotech. That market’s going to go bust. How would they support Minerva’s gourmet treat habit?"

"You do realize a full background check isn’t a normal prerequisite for dog ownership?"

"I'm just thinking of what’s best for the puppies, Clark." Lex answered defensively.

9.

Three hours and seven rejected families later Clark threw in the towel. "Ok, Lex, we won’t give away any of the puppies. You win."

"I don’t know what you’re talking about, Clark," Lex prevaricated, "but now that you mention it, that might be best for Tiberius." Giving away Tiberius had always been out of the question. "He’d be too lonely without his siblings."

"He’ll still have his parents."

"He needs to interact with dogs his own age."

"Coco and Clementine are only eight months older."

"That’s a lot in dog years!"

Clark pulled Lex into a hug. "I love you."

10.

All ten retrievers looked gorgeous, groomed and glossy, wearing special purple silk collars and leashes. The members of the wedding party, each holding a leash, were looking rather fine as well, especially the grooms in matching tuxedos.

Scores of reporters waited outside. A Luthor wedding and the first legal gay union in Kansas. They were national news.

Clark’s heart swelled with love as he looked at Lex. He’d never been happier.

Whenever they looked at the wedding album Lex insisted Clark had looked even prettier than Clementine, but Clark wasn’t so sure he meant it. Lex really loved those dogs.